Wow! I can't believe how many of you responded to that last post. After I published that post I was having second thoughts about it. I was thinking that perhaps I should just keep it to myself and stop bitching (not a word from you Josh). Anyway, I am really dealing with something here that is as much mental and emotional as it is physical (not a word from you Adam). I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.
A while back I wrote something about practicing in my hotel room in Dallas and how the dedication, commitment, friendship and love of each one of you (and my being a part of your community) is what really keeps me in check. It's what keeps me going in this practice. That is true now more than ever before.
Thank you all. Don’t worry, I'll see you soon (or maybe, worry that I’ll see you soon).
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
What to do.........
I returned to the shala today for my second practice of the week with my ashtanga community (fourth practice over all). I think that you learn a little something about yourself each and every time you practice. Of course this experience is more or less amplified depending upon how in tune you are with your body and your emotions. It is also gets more intense over time as you experience all of the nuances held within the practice. Today I learned that anger and frustration can lead to increased pain and suffering. I also learned that I'm not sure if I can handle any more setbacks.
I had some really good practices this week, mostly the self-practices. I managed to stay focused, I modified certain postures to prevent re-injuring my slowly healing knee and I made some progress with postures that have been notoriously difficult for me. I've been paying really close attention to my diet over the last three /four weeks. (I typically eat and drink healthfully but over the last few weeks I've really cranked it up a notch.) Coming into today's class, I felt so excited to practice again with the group and to see my teacher. It made no difference to me that I had to out of the room by 7:30. So I started my practice at 6:10 and within 5 minutes I began to realize that the muscle spasm originating under my left shoulder blade and radiating up through my neck was going to make every push-up and every up-dog excruciating. My anger grew. As I passed through each posture the pain intensified. My frustration grew. The pain got worse. My practice began to enter a downward spiral of emotion that brought me to a complete stop at navasana. By the time I made it into the changing room, I couldn't lift my arm above my head. The pain and frustration grew.
Two hours later, I'm sitting in a conference room way up in the tallest building in the city waiting for the participants of a very important meeting to arrive and I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck. My ashtanga practice is stuck in this strange place where I have an injury that inhibits my progress for months then one or two months of pain free practice which is immediately followed by more injury and additional months of healing and modifications. It's starting to get to me. I'm on the verge of taking three months off completely and letting my body heal. Is this practice really for me? Maybe I'll take up power walking. I love the practice. The strength you gain, the peacefulness. My only take-away lately has been how much pain I'm feeling and wondering when I'll again have the chance to get through one practice without wincing. This path is beginning to appear more crooked that I ever thought.
I thought about eating more advil and just powering through the pain. That didn't seem like a good idea. Then I thought about pealing back the onion and trying to learn why I get so frustrated over this. Therapists can be expensive so that didn't seem like a good idea. I thought I'd talk to my teacher about it. No en la casa. I guess I really don't know yet what my plan is here but I do know that I need to try something different. The key is figuring out what to do without scrapping my ashtanga practice.
I had some really good practices this week, mostly the self-practices. I managed to stay focused, I modified certain postures to prevent re-injuring my slowly healing knee and I made some progress with postures that have been notoriously difficult for me. I've been paying really close attention to my diet over the last three /four weeks. (I typically eat and drink healthfully but over the last few weeks I've really cranked it up a notch.) Coming into today's class, I felt so excited to practice again with the group and to see my teacher. It made no difference to me that I had to out of the room by 7:30. So I started my practice at 6:10 and within 5 minutes I began to realize that the muscle spasm originating under my left shoulder blade and radiating up through my neck was going to make every push-up and every up-dog excruciating. My anger grew. As I passed through each posture the pain intensified. My frustration grew. The pain got worse. My practice began to enter a downward spiral of emotion that brought me to a complete stop at navasana. By the time I made it into the changing room, I couldn't lift my arm above my head. The pain and frustration grew.
Two hours later, I'm sitting in a conference room way up in the tallest building in the city waiting for the participants of a very important meeting to arrive and I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck. My ashtanga practice is stuck in this strange place where I have an injury that inhibits my progress for months then one or two months of pain free practice which is immediately followed by more injury and additional months of healing and modifications. It's starting to get to me. I'm on the verge of taking three months off completely and letting my body heal. Is this practice really for me? Maybe I'll take up power walking. I love the practice. The strength you gain, the peacefulness. My only take-away lately has been how much pain I'm feeling and wondering when I'll again have the chance to get through one practice without wincing. This path is beginning to appear more crooked that I ever thought.
I thought about eating more advil and just powering through the pain. That didn't seem like a good idea. Then I thought about pealing back the onion and trying to learn why I get so frustrated over this. Therapists can be expensive so that didn't seem like a good idea. I thought I'd talk to my teacher about it. No en la casa. I guess I really don't know yet what my plan is here but I do know that I need to try something different. The key is figuring out what to do without scrapping my ashtanga practice.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
South Florida, Yoga, Friends and Old People
Day five in Florida. We've seen the craziest weather, cold, wind, rain, sun. It's not been a typical South Florida winter. We managed to practice fairly consistently (they have a dedicated yoga room next to the gym here and we practice just before or immediately after "old people's yoga"). I really is awesome to see these older folks practicing yoga. Even if they "practice" while Cher is blasting in the background. Today we jumped into the car and headed into Miami to see David and Gretchen. It was wonderful to see them and spend time in their home just talking about so many things. Yoga, photography, travel etc. I am so excited to have them back in Philly. We miss them, their sweet smiles and their warm hearts.
Karen and I have been able to do two things that have not come so easily over the last two years: dinner by ourselves and a movie. Wow it was exciting to do "grown-up" things for a change. I think midway through we were both wondering what the little guy was doing. Anyway, it was great fun.
Tomorrow we will practice early and then spend a day at the pool. Maybe even take in another movie. Three days to go and then it's back to our yoga community, Sunday Mysore and Brunch. Get ready, we're coming.
Karen and I have been able to do two things that have not come so easily over the last two years: dinner by ourselves and a movie. Wow it was exciting to do "grown-up" things for a change. I think midway through we were both wondering what the little guy was doing. Anyway, it was great fun.
Tomorrow we will practice early and then spend a day at the pool. Maybe even take in another movie. Three days to go and then it's back to our yoga community, Sunday Mysore and Brunch. Get ready, we're coming.
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